Is Their Pain Really Worse or Are They Pansies?

Ladies, I’m about to throw it DOWN and get REAL up in dis place!

There’s something that has been bothering me for possibly 20 some years now; possibly a little longer!

I’m pretty sure, it’s something that has bothered you more than once in your life as well.

What am I talkin’ bout?


Oh wait, let me clarify myself….


What’s up with that? I mean really?!

They get a little cold, the same cold you had three (3) weeks prior yet THEY are dying! (not literally, but you get my drift)

  • They can’t do a damn thing and expect you to bend over backwards for them!
  • They expect YOU to call the doctor for them
  • They expect YOU to be extra sweet and get what they want for them, when they want it
  • They expect YOU to sympathize with them and feel sorry for them
  • Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominic/

    Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominic/

But wait!

When you’re sick……

  • YOU are still expected to cook meals for them
  • YOU are still expected to clean the house
  • YOU are still expected to take care of the animals and/or children
  • YOU are still expected to perform like you would on a NON-SICK day

WHAT is UP with THIS?

Is it Mommy syndrome or something?

Now recently, I’ve had conversations with a few of you about our poor little sick hubbies and come to find out many of you experience this kind of “Poor sick me”.

I’ve recently been directly dealing with this as my hubs has pulled his back (somehow) and has a hard time getting out of bed and moving around. TRUST ME! I KNOW HOW THIS FEELS! About two (2) years, I pulled my back out. Couldn’t figure it out for the life of me what I did. I called the doctor, got an appointment, went to see him and was sent for xrays/mri, whatever you call it. Left with some “happy pills” and instructions of not sitting around on my bum, ice – heat – ice, and take your anti-inflammatory/muscle relaxants.

Ok, I’m down with that. I can’t help but ROLL out of bed and try to make myself presentable for work. Sit on my bum all day at work, typing, answering the phones, and pretending nothing is wrong. Come home after my 8 hour day on the job and cook the hubs dinner, do laundry, and whatever else needs to be done.

Did you see that?

I called the doctor, got an appointment, went to see him

Yet, my hubs (who is experiencing the same kind of back pain) goes for several days complaining….despite me telling him to call the doctor

Then complains because he drives all day and can’t get to the doctor….despite me telling him to go to the walk-in clinic because he doesn’t want to wait 

Then eventually (after getting ignorant with me via text messages) calls the doctor who then tells him, you need an appointment and just can’t call meds in AND gets made at me cause I told him to call the doctor….like I knew he wouldn’t just give HIM meds? My doc gives them to me via the phone all the time!

Then, after fussing, gimping, and whining for a week, decides to go to the walk-in clinic.

Doesn’t get xrays, just prescriptions for meds and instructions to ice-heat-ice.

Said hubs pops meds and still getting no discomfort…despite me telling him several things to help him out.

So I give no sympathy because I know how painful it is however, I was still expected to perform all my wifely duties….unlike HIM who has been sitting HIS bum all weekend (sitting on his bum after work every night is a norm).

Soooooo I ask you again

What the hell is up with that?

Why the double standard?

And Why is THEIR pain so much WORSE than OURS?

I’m all ear ladies………….. let’s dish!


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  1. says

    Brenda, I sure don’t get it, must be the chromosomes. My hub is the same way and then when he goes to the doctor he doesn’t take the meds or follow any of the directions and says they are just practicing medicine. I give up! You can’t help someone if they can’t help themselves.
    I must say my dad is very good about it and goes himself and takes his meds, etc. I guess that’s the older generation?

    • says

      Oh Lisa, I feel your pain. You are right, you can’t help someone if they can’t or don’t want to help themselve, THUS I won’t be sympathizing with them. It really tweaks my knickers! Almost every man that has ever been in my life, has been this same exact way. I always said, I’d love to see them have to give birth! :)

  2. says

    LOL!! Well, I don’t have a hubby at home, but I have been privy to the behavior of ill, in-pain males… Holy wallowing. Holy hand-holding. Holy poor-me-ing. Holy I-need-my-mommy-ing. I do not envy you, my dearie. Not a bit! xoxo

    • says

      haha I love that Ellen! I think they start out young with this “poor me” bs. I’m just so sick of it. This past time, I finally had to say “I know what your going through so don’t tell me how horrible it is. Do what you’re suppose to and quit complaining!” If they won’t help themselves and do what they are suppose to, I don’t wanna hear the bla bla oh I’m hurt so bad bs. :) Tough love, right?

  3. fatjoe says

    When i’m sick i just want to be left alone….nobody needs to do anything for me…

    My wife on the other hand needs to be waited on hand and foot….

    .i don’t mind doing it……but i don’t think its a gender thing….

    • says

      You, my friend, may be one of the few! 😉 At 44 years old, I have seen many a whiney baby man (although I’ve seen quite a few women that are just obnoxious when they are sick). Good for you in wanting to wallow in your own pity. That’s the way I prefer it when I’m sick, however, when I’m sick, I don’t feel I should continue my wifely duties. I’m entitled to a break every now and again. :)

      Thanks for sharing!

  4. says

    Mom says men are pansies…she often tells then that if they felt as bad as she did they would not get out of bed yet she continues on with life as if nothing is wrong. Somehow they love to be babied and they love to moan and complain. Mom says women are like dogs, they are so sick that they are almost dead but they don’t let on to anyone that they are in pain or ill…I find this to be true!

    • says

      Hi Emma! Yeah, I have to agree with your mom on the “pansie” part or at least, thats the track record I’ve seen. Thanks for sharing!

  5. says

    Girlll…I think it’s the mommy syndrome because I sure know what you’re talkin’ about! I do have to hand to it my hubs though, he’ll go to work sick but when it gets the best of him and he’s down for the count, it’s over, LOL.

    Great post girl…tellin’ it like it is!

    • says

      Hey GIRL! I kinda think it’s something like that yet I just can’t pinpoint it. Mine will go to work too but text me several times during the day about how sick his is or how much he hurts. Ugh….sometimes I like to lock him up in a box and ship him overseas :)

  6. says

    This one is easy Bren, get rid of the men in your life! lol.. Okay, I’m kidding (sort of).

    I think the majority of men are like that. Okay, my Dad wasn’t but you already know his story. Yep, he would tell my Mom something wasn’t right, she’d tell him to go to the doctor and after she got the kids settled she’s check to see what the doctor said and half the time he was already being wheeled into surgery before she could even get there.

    Now when she was sick he still expected her to do stuff. In that respect he was the same typical kind of guy but he certainly wasn’t afraid to take his butt to the doctor.

    I haven’t had a man in my life in so long I can’t really remember those days. Yeah, it’s been really nice!


    • says


      I thought it was just Delaware men but my hubs came from New Mexico! Eeek!!

      Your father was an exception to the rule I think or maybe it is a generation thing. A very admirable man indeed.

      I have to say, I don’t remember but father being a pansy but that’s probably cause he was pretty much drunk or numb most the time :(

      I think if something were to happen and my hubs wasn’t in my life, I’d go back to my single ways. Love em and send em home (their home, that is!)

      Thanks for sharing Adrienne! It’s always a pleasure!

  7. says

    OMG! Just went through this. I am get so annoyed when men do that. In one relationship I had, they still expected dinner to be on the table and I was sick in bed. I had a fever, and to boot, was throwing up. Really? When he started whinning about dinner, I lost my cool and saw red. Not only did I cuss him out, but after that, if I was sick, HE NEVER asked that question again. I stressed, did I need to have both legs broken to show that I couldn’t help him and he had to do it himself. We are so motherly, maybe to a fault, but its who we are. It is just that I can’t stand when I am expected to still cook, clean and go to the store. I loved this post!

    • says

      haha See, I knew my girlies could relate! I know exactly how you feel Sonia. WTH is up with that? I’m glad I never had a child with my hubs cause I would be on the delivery table, right after giving birth to a bowling ball, and my hubs would be like “What’s for dinner?” hehe Some men just need to be kicked in the ding ding! :) Thanks for sharing sweetie!

  8. says

    I’ve heard this complaint from many women, but honestly, my hubby is truly the “strong, silent type”. He rarely complains when in pain; in fact, his mantra, “pain is your friend”, is hurled at me every time I dare suggest he might want to take a Tylenol, or something. I’m much more of wimp than he is and do like to be “babied” when I’m not well. He doesn’t mind if things aren’t done as usual; in fact, he’s completely independent that way. Probably because he left home to fend for himself at a very young age. He prefers to be left alone when he’s sick, so, I guess I’m pretty lucky! :-)

    • says

      Ahhh sounds like you got one of the “rare” ones Debbie. :) Women are stereotypically the “weaker” ones right so if you want to be babied and he’ll do it, GO FOR IT! My hubs spent too many years in the military to show me sympathy. In the almost 10 yrs together, I think I got a teeny bit of sympathy after my skin cancer surgeries but that’s about it. Just a teeny bit :/

      You’re a lucky gal, that’s for sure!

      • says

        They all have their good points, though, Bren. 😉 I bet your hubby was feeling badly for you on the inside, but just didn’t want to show it outwardly. I agree; am definitely lucky with mine! ♥

  9. says

    Yes yes yes I agree with everything. When my hubs is sick it’s like I have an extra child he calls me moaning Kita Kita where are you I need this I need that but when I am sick I still have to take care of kids, cook, clean and not even begin to worry about getting me better. I stopped late last year if he sick too bad go see a doctor or suffer because my patience has had it.

    • says

      Girl! I feel your pain and bless you for being super woman! Men are stupid, I’m convinced. I think they were put on earth to be my boy toy, not ordering me around when I’m sick. :) Yes, there! I said it! hehe

  10. says

    I TOTALLY AGREE! You were preaching with this one, lol! This however is what we call beating a dead horse! These jokers are never gonna change. It is so pathetic, they turn into total wusses! I can’t…..

  11. says

    Loved the post Bren!

    I agree with most of the ladies above – it kind of runs in their genes :) You had me nodding my head all through because it’s something that happens to all the men in our lives, whether they are our dads, hubby’s, or brothers. I guess they have been too used to being pampered by their Moms so can’t take it when we don’t show that kind of concern towards them. However, when we are sick we ARE expected to do everything just the same way we were – amazing!

    And these are such sensitive issues that you can’t even tell your guys much or else they take it adversely, though hope with time they change their ways and become a little more compassionate. :)

    Thanks for sharing and reminding us about this. :)

    • says

      Thanks Harleena!

      You are so very right and I’m glad I posted this. I was started to think it was me! Shew! Ya’ll saved me! :)

      Trust me, I do tell my man. He doesn’t like it but I’m all about being REAL.

      Thanks for sharing gf!

  12. Jill says

    Oh my god Brenda, this post had me laughing and nodding my head in agreement the whole time because I’ve dated a few of these. It’s called letting your “man-gina” out… lol, at least that’s what I call it.

    Fortunately, mine doesn’t do this too often and when he does I have to give him credit, he’ll pull a 16 hour day on a fishing boat with a raging flu. Maybe I’m just lucky, but we both kind of baby each other when the other one gets sick, so it goes both ways.

    Good for you for standing your ground and not treating him like a momma’s boy!

    • says

      OMG Jill! I love that MAN-GINA! Woohoo!! That’s kinda like my say MAN-STRUATION! :)

      You are sooo lucky girl, that you don’t have one of those. I’ll have to admit, mine isn’t like that all the time but recently has been a tad obnoxious about it. Ugh!

      No way sista, I’m preaching tough love here unless you are legitimately very sickly! Thanks for stopping by!

  13. says

    Men are horrible when it comes to anything that is a little painful. It could be a paper cut and they need a trip the emergency and can not do anything but watch television for the next month. My spouse complains about everything to the point I was shopping a couple of weeks ago and after my third phone within an hour with him complaining about something, I purchase some panties and stuck them in his drawer. He asked me about them, I just told him, if was going to play they role, he should wear the gear. So far the complaining has stopped. Should have done that years ago. Great post as always Bren.

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